Emotion

Lonely. The word sounds weird when I apply it to myself. For me, it's 12:47am. Our nurse is out of town on a personal matter so I'm up watching my daughter sleep. She eats overnight via a feeding pump and someone has to monitor her breathing in case she plugs her trach. So tonight that's me. She's asleep now. The wife is upstairs in bed. Our jack russell mix is laying on the carpet by the TV.

I'm suddenly overcome by a feeling of loneliness. I talk to a couple of women online at times, and I've been talking to them tonight. Well, kind of. One was/is at work (night job at a national chain store), another is at work as a home nurse, and the third I talked to quite a bit.  I'll call the third woman "D". D lives a few states away and we've been talking for a long time. Strictly online. We've had many sexual discussions. We've been on cam together. I've watched her slide her dildo in and out of her pussy and she's watched me jerk my cock and cum for her. She talks about other guys. That's OK. I'm married, I think we're even. The past few days though she was kind of complaining that all the guys she talks to just want to talk about sex. It's true I'm always fucking horny, but I would never force anything (physical contact, or talk) on anyone. She's very flirty and certainly seems to enjoy fun, dirty comments. We've talked about it before. So I've been telling her that she basically just needs to say that she doesn't want to have that discussion or talk that way at that point with any guy and they should change their tone. I told her to do that with me. I wouldn't be offended or anything like that, it would be silly. So I've been on the best behavior I can be. Tonight though she gives me a somewhat detailed account of how she was watching another guy get off on cam. I don't normally mind that, I find it pretty hot and usually get turned on; but it just wasn't sitting the same way with me tonight. It just made me feel kind of sad.

I'm not sure I can even put my emotion into words. It's kind of a hollow, empty feeling. I've been jealous, and this isn't it. It's weird. Kind of melancholy... I'm very relaxed... slumped shoulders, lack of caring about things... I'm sure it'll pass. I don't enjoy it.