Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Views

I've mentioned in a few posts that I'm not sure if anyone reads this. I've got what I think are real pageviews (not spam views) but no comments. Now I don't want people to comment to please me, but SOMETHING would be nice. It would be nice to know that something I do matters to someone, you know? This last week I've seemed to just float through the days and nights, just existing. It's really starting to piss me off. Maybe I should quit my job and move somewhere else. You know those people who get excited about junk mail because someone has a list with their name on it? I'm starting to feel like that.

Today I turned off all the lights in my office and worked in the dark. After the third person said, "Wow it's dark in there, how can you work" I almost turned them back on. I thought "Fuck them" instead. It's my goddamn office, I'll do what the fuck I want with it.

Do you like stories? All you faceless computers out there? I've been trading a story back and forth with a woman I talk to. Each time we reply we have to add on to the story a little bit.So it's both of us writing it and we have to pick up where the other left off. I thought it was a really cool idea, plus it gives me an insight into how/what she's thinking. Always good.

I don't even feel horny. I was looking through ebaumsworld.com under some of their galleries and didn't even get a rise out of the more naughty pics. Nothing. Maybe I have low testosterone. I doubt it. I'm a hairy fucker. Well I'm going to fuck off now.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Emotion

Lonely. The word sounds weird when I apply it to myself. For me, it's 12:47am. Our nurse is out of town on a personal matter so I'm up watching my daughter sleep. She eats overnight via a feeding pump and someone has to monitor her breathing in case she plugs her trach. So tonight that's me. She's asleep now. The wife is upstairs in bed. Our jack russell mix is laying on the carpet by the TV.

I'm suddenly overcome by a feeling of loneliness. I talk to a couple of women online at times, and I've been talking to them tonight. Well, kind of. One was/is at work (night job at a national chain store), another is at work as a home nurse, and the third I talked to quite a bit.  I'll call the third woman "D". D lives a few states away and we've been talking for a long time. Strictly online. We've had many sexual discussions. We've been on cam together. I've watched her slide her dildo in and out of her pussy and she's watched me jerk my cock and cum for her. She talks about other guys. That's OK. I'm married, I think we're even. The past few days though she was kind of complaining that all the guys she talks to just want to talk about sex. It's true I'm always fucking horny, but I would never force anything (physical contact, or talk) on anyone. She's very flirty and certainly seems to enjoy fun, dirty comments. We've talked about it before. So I've been telling her that she basically just needs to say that she doesn't want to have that discussion or talk that way at that point with any guy and they should change their tone. I told her to do that with me. I wouldn't be offended or anything like that, it would be silly. So I've been on the best behavior I can be. Tonight though she gives me a somewhat detailed account of how she was watching another guy get off on cam. I don't normally mind that, I find it pretty hot and usually get turned on; but it just wasn't sitting the same way with me tonight. It just made me feel kind of sad.

I'm not sure I can even put my emotion into words. It's kind of a hollow, empty feeling. I've been jealous, and this isn't it. It's weird. Kind of melancholy... I'm very relaxed... slumped shoulders, lack of caring about things... I'm sure it'll pass. I don't enjoy it.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Monday, August 19, 2013

Weekend Nooner

I meant to write over the weekend but I ended up jerking off every time I was alone with the PC. Sorry. The allure of seeing naked women is too much.

I did manage to find some time alone with the wife to have sex though. She told her sister we were trying to clean and our kiddo was destroying everything after we cleaned it up. If you have kids you KNOW that really happens. So I dropped my little girl off (my sister-in-law is only a couple blocks away) and zoomed back home. I saw my wife's clothes trailing up the stairs... so mine joined hers. The bedroom was dark since the blinds had been drawn, but I could clearly see my wife laying on the bed on her back, rubbing her pussy for me. No invitation needed, I dropped down and started eating her out. I know I should probably say getting a blowjob is my favorite thing since I'm a guy, but really I think my favorite sex act is giving oral. God I love licking pussy. I love everything about it, especially how she writhes as I slide my tongue into her and lick her clit. One of my favorite positions is to lay between her legs and slide my hands under her legs and up around, pulling her to me. That way I can easily put more pressure on her, or squeeze her, or run my hands up her body and play with her nipples and breasts. I brought her to the edge a dozen times or so before finally letting her orgasm explode. She doesn't squirt but was wet enough that I couldn't tell the difference LOL.

I crawled up beside her and sucked on her nipples for a few minutes before rolling over and letting her deep throat my hard dick. Honestly, she doesn't give me too many blowjobs. She's pretty good at it, but apparently I take too long and she gets tired and then frustrated. So I'm trying to get her to understand that she CAN suck me without it being a whole big thing. A few minutes, in my mind, is fucking better then nothing. So she blew me for a bit while I rubbed her. Then I pushed her up and onto her back before pulling her legs together and up against my chest as I thrust into her. We both love that position. Her legs together on my chest so she forms a "L" shape as I fuck her. I can get very deep inside her that way. That day I felt like using long, slow strokes, alternating with bursts of quick short jabs into her. Her steady moans would grow louder and more urgent with each of those bursts. I was pushing so hard I practically pushed her off the bed! I pulled her back though and kept impaling her. I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm got an amazing gift of stamina or The World's Biggest Cock. I don't and I don't. I'm average sized; 6 to 7 inches. I get bigger the hornier I am. I usually last around 10 minutes or so unless I'm really trying to control myself. My problem is that the more excited she gets, the more excited I get.

Back in the beginning of our relationship I used to be able to give her 7 or 8 small orgasms when we made love. I'd just keep plowing through them as her pussy tightened around me each time. I can't do that anymore. I'm not sure why... Now she has at least one big orgasm during actual penetration. Sometimes I can't even keep going because she's moving around so much! So she had her second orgasm of the day under me. That set me off and I came into her. A lot. This was around 4pm or so and I hadn't jerked off that day. So I was definitely full. Normally I cum a lot, and fill back up pretty quickly. After I finished cumming and the blood stopped pounding in my ears I could hear her almost cooing. Now, about half the time I can keep going and have a second orgasm in a couple of minutes. You guess it, this was one of those times! I pulled her legs around me and leaning over her, using her shoulder to hold her steady as I started fucking her again. She pulled me into her as I pulled back out and pushed into her as hard as I could. I kept up that way for a couple of minutes. Pulling out and forcing myself back into her tight hole as hard as I could. She loves it hard and the harder the better. She came again as I had my second. Certainly not as much as the first for me, really just mostly the feeling and sensations of it. Still amazing though. I fell off her onto the bed as we both tried to catch our breath.

She got up after a couple of minutes and went into the shower to clean up, with me getting in when she got out. My legs still weren't working too well at that point. Then we went to find her a new phone cover LOL. Have you ever wondered which people you see when you go out might have just had sex? Ever? I wonder all the time. I see a woman and wonder if some guy was just entering her from behind, or I see a guy and wondered if he just got his dick sucked by his girlfriend in his car.

On that note I'm going back to work. I might as well get done what I can before I have to jerk off again LOL.

Friday, August 16, 2013

The Talk

Two nights ago I didn't have sex. Wife and I were going to, but didn't. Instead we watched some movie while I "tried" to start things.

A little more about myself... I'm a very... thoughtful guy. Sometimes I think too much about what I'm doing and how it will affect her. When I think too much I tend to not do ANYthing. It's terrible. I get very frustrated with myself because I fucked it up. I mean I know it's my fault. She's laying there with her legs spread a little bit over my legs and letting me touch her pretty much anywhere I want, but I don't. I end up wondering if it's too soon to finger her (because she's said she needs to "get out of mommy mode" before she can do anything). So I wonder how soon it takes to get out of mommy mode, and I don't rub her pussy like I want to. I could reach up and play with her breasts. She's a 48DD and I LOVE her boobs. Love them. Love love love love love, but not to the exclusion of all else, and she knows they're not the reason I love her. I don't play with those either though because the night before she said she didn't want to me start something "by just playing with her tits all night." So I remembered that and I didn't want to just rub her breasts.

So all of that went into me essentially just rubbing her legs and belly for two whole hours. Yep. FOR TWO HOURS I FUCKED THINGS UP. When we finally went to sleep around 1:45 she says, "So I guess I won't get my hopes up when you say we're going to have sex." What the fuck? Who says that? Does that piss anyone else off like it does me? Not only do I know it's my fault, but now she wants to throw in a jibe about it? I do not say things in anger. I don't. Once you say something you can't take it back no matter how much you apologize. It's been said. So I didn't say anything; I want to sleep. What could I have said that wouldn't have been filled with anger? That's not me. Sure I get angry, but I don't lash out or make comments like that. I know she was disappointed but handle it another fucking way!

So that was two nights ago. Last night we went out for a drive to talk. We do that sometimes after the nurse gets there when we have to discuss something important. So I basically took all the blame for everything. Once she said what she was doing it was obvious I was the problem. Every time she got up, she was up on her hands and knees for me and I didn't touch her. She wasn't covering her boobs with her arms (basically blocking me from getting to them). She wasn't stopping me and didn't say anything about being tired or not wanting to do anything. So it was all my fault and I know it. It's not like I  had any doubts before that though. I was fully aware it was my problem.

I just don't know why the fuck I do it. Most of the time I'm ready to stick my dick in anything that moves. Yesterday I had to restrain myself from slapping a coworkers ass when she bent over in a tight pair of jeans. I mean I'm horny ALLLLLLLLL the time. So of course I mess it up when I get the chance to actually slip my dick in her. So it was a very sucky couple of nights.

We talked and went home. Usually after those talks we bone for an hour, but I was really exhausted. I was just exhausted with being frustrated with myself. It's be easier if I could point to something and say, "Aha! YOU'RE the reason I think too much. YOU'RE the fucker screwing with me." I can't though. It just happens. No sex tonight or this weekend because we don't have a nurse, so I'll have to watch the kiddo all night. Maybe Monday... Who knows?

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Last time I sucked...

Since I wrote that last post, I can't stop thinking about the last time I actually got to suck a dick. I know, I know... I'm a pretty happily married man. I love my wife. That doesn't mean I don't want things she can't give me though... Do you think that's wrong? I'd say we have a decent sex life. You know when you're in high school and you imagine what your "sex life" will be later on? The adventure and fantasy? The fun and passion you'll feel? Life's been a little dull on those things lately.

I mean we both enjoy having sex with eachother, but I don't usually see her and immediately want her riding my cock. I know that's a rut. We've been in them before. We've been together more than 10 years now, and married for close to 8. Part of the problem is our daughter. With her medical problems it's VERY difficult to find any time alone during the day. Well, basically impossible without someone watching her who can change her trach. She always needs to be supervised and you have to drop what you're doing to suction her if she needs it. She's not quite old enough to do it herself yet. So we can't really sneek a quickie or a preview of things to come because she's always there. The only time we get is when either my sister-in-law can watch my daughter (we trained her on everything) or when the nurse gets there at night (11pm-7am). My wife doesn't want to just ask her sister to come over and watch the kid so we can go up and have sex. She says she feels really weird about it and can't do it. So we wait until the nurse gets there and I've been up since 7 that morning and going to work and working and coming home and watching the kiddo so my wife can do her own things... So I'm tired at 11! We get upstairs and the wife says something like, "Well I guess we can do it if you want to" or "I'm tired but I guess I can give you a handjob if you want."

I'm a horny guy. If you've been reading, you know I'm a VERY horny guy; but there's just something in her tone when she says those things that makes me just want to go to sleep. I used to jump at the offer of a handjob even if I knew she really didn't want to. I'm older now though, and fuck it I want a partner that's enthusiastic about rubbing my cock. I know she's tired, and we're BOTH tired. We've talked about it before. Actually, I'm retracting that statement. Normally she's NOT tired when we go to bed because she takes a nap when the kid takes a nap. She's usually up until 12am or 1am pretty easily most nights.

So anyway, we still have sex; and the sex is still good. I just want more excitement and writing this blog helps with that. I got a bit off topic didn't I.....

The last time I gave a blowjob was about 7 months ago. I had a friend that had been dumped by his girl a couple of months before that. So 9 months ago is when this started. I took him out to get a drink and of course he started talking about her (I knew he would). I thought it might help him get over her a bit. We're out at the bar and he's going on about how great she was and what he missed. I'm paying attention and can't help but feel like I'm in a movie. It could have come out of any "getting over the girl" scene in a bar. He started talking about the sex and how she'd been holding out the last few months before ending it. Well I don't know about holding out, but I can imagine she wouldn't keep having sex with him if she was going to leave. I asked him if she'd even stopped the blowjobs (he had always maintained her blowjobs were amazing), and he said she'd stopped those even before the sex.

He kind of laughed and said he'd been jerking off so much his hand was starting to hurt. We'd been friends for a few years and he kind of knew about some of the things I'd done. Bits had come up in previous conversations. So I let him talk a bit more about the sex he was missing and I finally asked him if he'd like some help with that. I'm not the smoothest person out there. I can be a little awkward and it's not exactly the most normal thing to ask a friend if they'd like some help with their sex life. Anyway, I said it and he asked what I meant. So I said that he knew a little bit about me and what I liked to do, and that I was offering to blow him (notice I didn't say "if he wanted" LOL). He looked a little shocked! We kept talking and didn't come back to the subject the rest of our time there. I hadn't been drinking anything but soda and I had driven him there. We got back in the car and drove back to his house. I pulled into the driveway and said something about hoping he felt better and that if she wanted to leave then he needed to let her go. He'd find another woman that would give him great head.

He got out of the car and walked with that little tipsy stagger across the driveway. He almost got to the door and stopped, then turned around and walked back. I had stayed there to make sure he at least got inside OK. I may be horny but I'm a good friend. He walked to my side so I rolled down the window. He kind of leaned over and said he'd take me up on my offer. I said, "You mean my offer to suck your dick?" His face was priceless. I had never seen him that embarassed! I thought he was going to turn around and walk away so I said I was sorry and that I'd love to "help him out". I asked him when and he said "Now or I'll lose my nerve." So I texted the wife and told her I'd be a bit later than I thought and that he was really having a hard time. Hahahaha... Got out and followed him inside. I've done this a few times for various friends. I mean I've done a few friends a LOT of times. He looked uncomfortable with the whole thing so I asked him if he wanted to leave his clothes on and watch some porn while I did everything for him. That made him look a little better.

I knew where he kept his porn so I pulled out a movie and put it in the DVD player. He was already sitting on the couch when it came on. The porn started and I was kneeling on the floor between his legs. I ran my hand over his crotch and he jumped. I laughed a little bit and said he needed to just calm down and relax. I'd stop anytime he wanted and wouldn't do anything he didn't want me to do. I rubbed him for a few minutes but he was still as stone. I could see his hands clenching his jeans. I sat back and said, "OK, this isn't working like this. Get up and take off your pants and boxers." He looked at me and I replied "Dude you are just too tense. Trust me." Apparently he did because he stood up and I watched him unbutton, then unzip his jeans. He closed his eyes and pushed them and his boxers down. At first I thought he had a small cock, but then I realized he was average sized with really big balls. It was hard to believe they'd be so big with the amount of stroking he said he'd been doing. Before he had a chance to sit back down I leaned forward and opened my mouth around one of his balls. My tongue flicked out and licked his sack as I held it in my mouth with suction. I felt his cock jump a little bit as I broke suction and started licking all over his balls. I was pretty greedy and noise while my tongue rolled his balls around my mouth.

I pushed him back a bit until he sat down on the couch. He was half hard at that point. I pushed his legs apart and moved between them, quickly licking the tip of his dick. He groaned a little as I engulfed his quickly growing cock with my mouth. I LOOOOOVE feeling a cock get hard between my lips. Good god... He was soon fully hard and I went to work on him. Stroking him slowly and then quickly, and slowly again as I sucked and licked all over his head. He was making a lot of noise and I could tell he liked my work... He even got lost enough in it to put his hand on my head. I'd been bobbing and weaving my head on his cock for about 15 minutes when he started saying he was getting close to cumming. With that big sack I knew I was in for a treat. He pushed his ass off the couch and I pushed down on his cock, taking him down my throat as he started cumming. I milked him with my throat as he came what felt like a barrel-full of spooge. Spasm after spasm of jism shot into my belly. Fuck it was tasty......

After he finished I cleaned his cock and sucked on his empty balls a little while longer. Then I sat back and asked him if he liked it. LOL he said fuck yeah he liked it! He asked when I could do it again for him and I asked him when HE could do it again. I made sure he was really OK with it and he said it took a little while but he got over his hangup. Then he just enjoyed it.

I blew him again the next day, and a couple of times the day after that.... I had his cock in my mouth basically every day for 2 months until he was transferred for work. I met him places to swallow his load, his house, my house, his car, parking lots... I was willing to swallow him pretty much anywhere. I let him pick every place he'd ever wanted to do anything. The last blowjob I gave him was out in my hot tub. I'd installed a TV out there and the wife and a friend of hers were out at some function I forget now. He came over and got in. We were very comfortable with eachother at this point so I didn't waste any time in fishing his cock out of his shorts before stroking it. He always got hard very quickly when I touched him *grins*. I pulled him over to me and sucked him into my mouth. He got into my rhythm and was soon fucking my face. I didn't even try to bob at all, I just let him fuck my mouth. Early on I had learned how to deep throat, so now he could thrust all the way into me. He used my mouth for a good 10 minutes before pulling out so he could watch himself cum in my mouth. I opened wide and lapped the bottom of his head before he exploded. Emptying his full balls for me drink. He pumped my face a couple more times before sitting down heavily. We talked about him leaving and he said he'd really miss me blowing him. He got horny enough that I ended up blowing him again before the wife came home LOL. He sat down and I blew and stroked him underwater that time. I stroked him underwater and we both watched him cum. Watched his cum shoot out of his head in what looked like slow motion. Then I pulled him out of the water and licked him clean, plus making sure I dudn't miss any cum *wink*. The wife got home a little while later and we all had dinner.

So that was the last blowjob I gave. I miss doing it.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Dick

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